I’ve been away from Montreal for a while and just came back 2 weeks ago. I did what every little boy ever dreamed about and ran away with the circus, no really, I ran away with the circus. The Cirque du Soleil where I lived in the lap of luxury with high-priced condos, cool restaurants, awesome 4-star hotels, got to see a lot of things, had a lot of freebies, went out a lot, partied. But everything has a price so I came back. Some childhood dreams should just stay that way but I digress. I also came back because living away from family and friends is hard. But I also missed my home. Not Canada, not Québec but Montreal.
My Island, My City
Montreal is like no other city I’ve visited and in the last year I’ve visited dozens – though if I had to chose I’d move to Chicago in a heartbeat as a second choice – but Montreal stays in my system like that special girlfriend with those special talents, no matter how you try, you can’t get her out of your system. Sure she’s got problems, she’s dirty, she needs some education and needs more focus on how to run her life. She reminds me of a Pumpkins song, Ava Adore: “And you’ll always be my whore, Cause you’re the one that I adore” And that’s just it. I love my island. I love my town. And she should charge the 450s for using her but that’s another article.
My French uncle from Marseille always said that Paris would be great if it weren’t for Parisians. And after meeting a few too many of those Parisians he was referring to, I now understand, but that’s not the point I’m getting to. I think my uncle’s expression can somewhat apply to Montrealers. Because there are some things I sure as hell didn’t miss.
Living in Montreal, who needs a car? I refuse to get one. I don’t need the parking hassles, the traffic the extra pollution or the expense when I can reduce this expense to a monthly pass using the Metro. And this is where I get to the gist of article. The metro is a beautiful thing I mean look at these people:
You can get anywhere that matters in Montreal with the Metro but there’s a price to pay. Because as much as I love Montreal, Montrealers are dicks. Get over yourselves.
There are enough hassles of navigating through the system, like having those paper-men getting right in your way all the time to hand you a fucking Metro paper. There’s one outside and there’s another one inside. Come one dude get the fuck out of my way. But they are just doing their work and for a shitty pay. So I try to stay polite. Then there are the beggars at the escalators “Du change… Manger…” repeating it like a soulless drone, echoing throughout the entire station and you just want him shut up, but then he’s homeless and hungry. Or the musician playing electric guitars on lousy horrible amps at 6h30 in the morning, gimme a break, those I have little respect for, I can’t stand them, but then we have to go through things in life we don’t all agree with, I know I work in IT.
Then there’s YOU the commuter, not working in the Metro. YOU who live in this fucking bubble where everything else in your way is just an object to be pushed out of the way like an in video game. Let’s get one thing straight. There’s a train passing by every three minutes so why are you running through the escalators like it’s the last train out of the city and we are about to be bombed by Al-Qaida? Why do YOU cut in front of people tripping them because you MUST get onto that escalator to get out, you must get out, or what? Oh wait I see. I just saw that cigarette you can’t wait to light up. If y’all in such a hurry to get up or down a level, there’s always the STAIRS. The escalators are for people who do not wish or cannot use the stairs for reasons of health or just because they are tired. Stop shoving people around because you are in a hurry to get somewhere oblivious because there’s no where you need to be that justifies pushing old people around or mothers holding babies.
Of course many others things still haven’t changed. It’s still impossible for the common Montreal commuter to let an old person, pregnant woman or disabled person have a seat. That would be bad, that would be like crossing the streams bad. And I understand that you want to get on the train but it won’t leave until you do, so please, please let people get OFF the train before you get on the train. How hard is that?
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Oh and didn’t you notice those huge recycling bins for those papers they distribute freely? Not only do you freeload these pointless papers but you are too lazy to throw them in the bin. I see this all the time where some loser gets up and doesn’t even leave it on the seat but fakes an accidental drop. “But I put it in my bag, it must have fallen out accidentally! Oops!” COME ON! Stop being such pricks, the bin is right outside the train, how hard can it be to help keep the Metro just a bit cleaner? It’s plain math. If the cleanup guy isn’t busy cleaning the shit you didn’t put in the bin, he’ll be cleaning up other stuff, making the Metro even cleaner for EVERYONE. The STM isn’t an economy, it’s a budgeted system. This means clean up after yourselves. Your mother wouldn’t let you throw crap on the floor at home; neither would your mate/spouse so get with it, stop being pigs because no one of importance to you is watching.
I also, to my dismay, must take a short bus ride to the Studio. I hate taking the bus. Because the pigs are even worse. First of all take off your fucking 60 pound back-pack. Your back will thank you for the rest and the commuters will enjoy the possibility of actually passing by without getting slapped around by all the bags or have me simply PLOW through you because no matter how I try, I can’t make myself small enough. Which gets me to my next point. Start at the back of the bus, yeah. Stop hanging on to dear life to the front wheel section which is the narrowest area on the bus. No one can get through, especially all you fat people (fat people don’t write me hate comments, I’m fat and not in denial about it)
When the bus driver can’t let you in, this means the bus is full, this doesn’t mean to run to the back and enter through there so we can be stacked like a bunch of slimy sardines. This week we were stacked 4 to 5 people wide standing in the bus, when someone had to leave the bus it was near impossible, all because some monkeys who thought they were smart decided to pack it in the back door. Great thinking there dipsticks. Funny thing is there was a spare bus right behind us and it was of course near empty. Retards.
Getting back to the fatasses of this world. I know that being heavy isn’t a fiesta especially after a long day’s work but show some goddamn respect for other people anyway. Seats on buses and the metro aren’t made for larger people, seems they are made for the 120 pound set. Such is the world, deal with it. So when a person is sitting on a seat on the bus and there’s a free seat and YOU KNOW you can’t even squeeze yourself in there, DON’T EVEN TRY, you have no clue how unpleasant it is for the other person. I know because I’m the other person sometimes. I once had to say to a fat person “I don’t think so” before she sat down. Even if I weren’t fat, my shoulders take up a lot of room – half of the other seat- there was no way we were both fitting in there and she was about to sit anyway. Same thing on the subway. You know, when I’m forced to sit on the 2-seater, I sit on the edge out of respect for the other person next to me. You can do the same. You don’t need maximum comfort for the Metro ride. This isn’t your living room. If you can’t get seating that fits you, well tough titty. Just stand.
Most of these unfortunate events took place on my first week back at work. I haven’t been back downtown in a massive way yet. But I’m sure drivers haven’t changed either. I’ll get to them later. People act like pigs, like talking monkeys because no one will hold them accountable. Mom’s not around. The girlfriend’s not around. No one is around to guilt them or shame them into doing the right thing and acting like proper well-raised human beings – these same people who complain about war in the world. You don’t need guilt and shame as motivators. Do the right thing because it’s the right thing, not because there’s a reward for it, you are more than a dog, you are better than that. Treat people with respect and dignity and you’ll see that most people, even those you’d least expect, will return the same respect and dignity.
Sweet jeebus on toast yeah take off those 60-pound backpacks by all means but be careful when you do because if I had a nickel for every time I got smacked upside the head with one of those I would be rich instead of just semi-conscious and bruised.
Well said, well said David. I started taking the bus to work again this past July and I had forgotten just how unpleasant it can be because people really can be rude and inconsiderate. It’s hard to be respectful of others when there are so few practicing common courtesy and I know that is not an excuse by all means but I really try but it is tiresome constantly having to look longingly at a seat which is being taken up by someone’s bags or they are using the seat across for a foot rest and they are staring you down defiantly with a “don’t even go there” look on there face. And I do understand the plight of mothers with their kids in tow but there are those who let their snotty-nosed sticky-fingered, muddy-footed offspring run rampant, screaming at the top of their lungs and literally climbing all over the place, including passengers, because they have to have a window to hang out of while mom remains oblivious (or maybe pretends the kids are not hers) and we have to sit tolerantly and stickily and muddily quiet with a “my how endearing” expression on our faces. Oh and don’t even make me yearn for a “scent free” zone where I am not forced to inhale massive doses of “eau de smell me” designer perfume or the guy who wears the same cumin-infused crusty wardrobe day in and day out despite having a regular day job but he is just to fecking lazy to do a laundry now and then.
I suppose it’s not all totally negative though – the cost of riding the bus is still cheaper than it is in Toronto!
That video confirms a lot of my preconceptions about Canada. I don’t speak “Canadese” but I’m assuming their song is touting the splendors of LSD and group sex?
Generation ME.
The absolution of responsibility.
Political Correctness.
You can thank all of those.
I’ve had my fair run ins with drivers who are not in the right away. Yet they look at you and react as if you were doing them wrong. They are naive, bitter, angry little people.
Montreals are angry. Angry at themselves and angry at the guy beside them.
I love the layout of the city.
I hate the traffic.
I hate the people.
[...] Not Canada, not Québec but Montreal. Dave goes home [...]
Wow, what an ode to our city!
Personally, I’d rather live else where, but hey, eventually, uh?
I’m glad that you’re so happy being back here sweety, enjoy it!
-xxx-
In other words: Don’t be such a douchebag.
BTW, I’ve been riding these rubber-tired rails for 20 years, and it never ceases to amaze me how doucebaggy so many people are. Even the nice people are douchebags half the time, demonstrating that there are, indeed, many types of douchebag. What we need is a taxonomy of douchebagness.
For example, there are the angry douchebags. They’re the ones who put their feet up on a seat and won’t move it even when you stare at them.
Then there are the plain old stupid douchebags. They’re the ones who do things like try to step onto a crowded Metro car at Berri-UQAM before people have a chance to step off (and at Berri-UQAM at least half the people on the car will be getting off!). They’re also the ones who do things like step onto the Metro and then FULL STOP instead of moving in and making room for more people to get on.
Then there are the self-absorbed douchebags. They’re the ones who do things like come to a FULL STOP at the top of an escalator, or pull out a dish of cold, stinking leftover noodles and start eating them on a crowded Metro car.
Then there are the “you-ought-to-know-better” douchebags, who do things like open a package of sushi when they’re sitting right in front of you, then open the plastic dish of soy sauce, and start eating it. You just know that if the Metro slams on the brakes (which happens frequently) that dish of soy sauce is going right onto the front of your shirt.
Oh, the public transit douchebags. They abound!
BTW, as a 514-turned-450, I’m waiting for your anti-450 rant…
I think I already have a cool title for a post on Douchebags
I’m not anti 450. I just think they should pay their fair share for using up 514 resources. I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve polled my friends in my office once who were complaining about traffic getting into work. and 80% of them lived off the island. And I think that if their cars are gonna pollute, take up space on our roads and parking spaces and create this traffic hell that is Montreal, they should pay a toll to get in. I’m a former 450 myself and once I got to living in MTL I got rid of my car after 2 months.
It’s statistically proven that urbans create less pollution and less environmental damage than their fellow rurals because of their more pedestrian lifestyles. I think the 450s need to own up and pay up. Because Montreal is a mess and it’s not just because of Montrealers.
Just my 2¢
Put tolls on all the roads into Montreal.
You’ll see a huge cut in traffic.
Perhaps they could fix the fracken roads with that money.
@Chad. Been saying that for years
What, you don’t think the Metro is crowded enough already?
@Blork. It’s plenty crowded that’s for sure. The Metro extension into Laval should:
A: Never have been done or
B: (this is my favored idea) Run full circle at the other end of the orange line so that Laval users didn’t have only one direction to crowd the metro with.
Also Laval Is developing into a bigger city every year with all their surplus’ Some companies should open other offices there also, instead of always crowding Montreal.
Plus tolls at the bridges, not a new concept, would help pay for the infrastructure which is beyond old in Montreal. The water system alone has parts that are over 100 years old.
Yes, well said indeed. One thing though, myself I’d move to New York in heartbeat. If there is one place where they respect your personal space it’s there. No matter how crowded a sidewalk or a subway car, you’ll rarely get hit over the head or stepped on. As for the 450 situation… I live on the south shore. Let’s just say the “transport en commun” organisation could use some improvement. Still, to take the bus here and the bus and metro in Montreal, I pay 115$ a month. Happily. And I’m convinced would more buses be available, a lot more people would take them. Some mornings I make the 35 minute ride standing up, even though there are buses leaving the stationnement incitatif every 5 minutes. Yes, that’s every 5 minutes, each of them packed to capacity. And with the snow and cold weather coming I can’t even imagine what it will be like.
[...] Nice idea. There’s only one problem: This is Montreal! A city notorious for it’s self-absorbed, mindless public transit users. A place where people regularly push onto the cars without waiting for those inside to get out first. Where guys wearing huge backpacks take one step into a half-empty car and come to a full stop, preventing anyone else from boarding. A place where people sprint across a crowded platform, knocking people over, so they won’t miss that rush-hour train – even though another one will be along in (literally) two minutes. (Dave spells it out rather nicely, here.) [...]
So… Now that we have a small gathering of STM commuters huddling, can we think of ways to improve the situation?
Because, after all, we’re all part of the issue, right? All of our behaviours are somewhat incompatible with the behaviours of other passengers.
Blork claims that a campaign to raise awareness can do nothing to alleviate the problem. I beg to differ on this point but am willing to focus on other solutions.
So, would those solutions be like?
My personal solution tends to be to “kill them with kindness.” Or to laugh out loud when I notice an absurd behaviour. These are mostly my usual reactions, but they seem to help.
By the way, I’ve noticed that people react more positively, these days, when I give my seat to somebody else. It used to be generating weird reactions (some people took it the wrong way). Maybe it’s because I’m older now, but that shouldn’t surprise people that a 36yo man should give his seat, right?
Oh, and a mea culpa… Though I’m extremely cautious never to push anyone in any circumstance, there have been a few occasions of my accidentally pushing someone. Despite apologising profusely, I still got the dirtiest looks possible and I’m sure these people think I’m the worst kind of a douchebag.
My commuting behaviour may anger people for other reasons. For instance, I do run up the escalators when they’re empty. In fact, I usually work it out to be the first up the stairs of almost any station. I almost never run up the stairs or escalators if other people are present unless they’re running themselves or clearly leaving enough space on the left.
Why do I do this? Nothing to do with leaving as quickly as possible. And I don’t smoke. But it’s this habit I took up. It came about because the steps in the escalator are so low that I dislike climbing them one by one. Running up the escalator feels just fine. I run up the stairs when there are people in the escalator, but the feeling isn’t the same (again, because of the height of the steps). Through this, I can tell how bad of a shape I’m in. And, for an obese academic like me, it’s a good rush to be able to run up the escalator without being out of breath.
It’s part of how I feel alive.