It all starts with a gamble. Because I don’t fuck around with contemplation when faced with Schrödinger’s dilemma, I just open the fucking box, because then I’ll know if the cat is dead or not. I’m like that. When face with three identical doors to choose from I won’t waste time picking, I’ll just open the first one and start from there. I just need to get moving.
This is what I did and I ran with it. It was one of the biggest gambles I’ve taken so far and I’ve taken some doozies in my life. But the thing is I like it like that. I love and need change in my life, I need to shake things up once in a while or I fall in a funk and it takes me a long time to get out of it.
Defunked my life was. But as a perpetually disheartened misanthropic reject it didn’t take long for me to find the dents in this newfound defunkedness. Dents I just couldn’t shake off or live with. I’m difficult that way. I don’t have much in the way of expectations because expectations lead to nothing but misery but the few that I have were crushed soon after I opened that door.
But now I am here in this corridor I must cross. The corridor leads to a hatch, my way out of this misery, so I start running. I run like mad, my calves are starting to twist from the pain, my lungs feel like they are being compressed and my heart like it’s about to burst from m chest, but nothing in this verse will stop me from getting to that hatch. The sweat is dripping down my brow, the saltiness burning my eyes, I’m out of breath, my throat hurts, and it’s dry and sore. My jaw is locked from all the effort I’m putting into that final sprint towards my exit; that hatch.
From the corner of my eye, a glass window, right there in the corridor. It stops me dead in my path, the water keep coming but I must look. On the other side resides that which I have longed for, my heart stops for a moment. But I hear the wave approaching, I look at the hatch, I look back through the glass, I vainly punch it in desperation and I run for the hatch, make my escape into the blinding light…
FUCK YOU PLATO.
reminds me… reminds me of things I could’ve written long ago. and when I would post them, you’d pop in my comments and offer me more wisdom than I could handle. encouragements, that I desperately needed. faith in my strengths, when I thought I had none.
now is the time when I want to give back, but I can’t do it with my own words as well as you would. I know though that all you have said is true and still in you. the universe has got shit on you. my words may fail me now but my support is as strong as yours were and are.
Thank You Swan
Your post has left me completely numb. Numb, to notice how much your words fit so well with what I’m living right now.
Stuck between doors, I have to choose, but passionnate me might end up in the wrong one….
Anyhow, thanks for this post, for your words, your presence in this cold universe. You make it more beautiful…
-xxx-
You’re a bright man. This is one of the few blogs I’m hooked on.