Saturday Morning Bible Peddling

It’s Saturday morning, I just awoke, I’m checking my mail, reading my RSS feeds and then my alarm system goes off. My alarm system is my neighbour’s dog who barks as soon as the downstairs door is open even if we are 3 floors up.

Knock, Knock

Damn it, I’m not even dressed what the fuck is this?

I open the door only half way and I see to 40ish women conservatively dressed holding pamphlets… oh now I know what the fuck this is. Religious people proselytizing about their saviour. They travel in pairs which I find odd. You’d think they would travel in trios, as in the trinity, but I digress.

Lady1:“Are you afraid of crime?“

Lady2:“Do you think there’s too much crime? That there will always be crime?“

Nice pitch, start with fear, nothing like fear of something to start converting people

Dave: “There will always be crime, such is the nature of the human being, we’re built that way“

Lady1 opens pamphlet “Yes but…“

Dave: “Look Lady if this has anything to do with any type of religion you are barking up the wrong tree, I’m a hardened atheist“

Lady1 continuing “… in Psalm one twenty“

I didn’t let her finish.

Dave: “Listen, I don’t have religious beliefs and there’s no way in hell you’ll get me to listen to superstitious bullshit, thank you and have a good day.” and I closed the door.

Trying to convert me with fear based issues, sheesh! And on my day off. Damn you just converted me to angry.

VICTORY IS MINE

All The Rage

Over a year ago I was rotting away in a mandate at a client site toiling away doing shit work because I wasn’t part of the Golden Boy Clan, the elite group of analysts chosen by The Trinity, the three leaders of operations for said client. I wasn’t the only forsaken one but I was certainly the most vocal one. This got me into trouble

But when you get up in the morning… wait, I mean wake up and it takes you over an hour to actually get up because you are so depressed from the fact you have to go to that fucking zoo to work, that you’d rather stay in bed and sulk, it’s really bad.

I was angry 24/7, I hated my job, I hated my life, I hated everything about my daily grind and had become so fucking disgruntled many people had stopped talking to me at work, but what the fuck are you gonna do?

But lo and behold, when comes the end of my mandate, The Trinity tries to renew me for another year only because they were shit out of luck during a huge migration project and felt that hiring new resources would be to much work. I flatly refuse and this is where I completely lose my fucking mind and let them have a piece of it.

I lost all sense of professionalism and went to town on the work, their characters, their leadership skills (or lack thereof) and I didn’t even hold back on the shits and fucks, I was almost out of control, I told them I would sooner quit my job from my firm before being renewed to work with them.

The Trinity Strikes Back

Well that didn’t go over well. How badly did it go you ask? They tried to get me fired from my job in retaliation by blocking me from mandates. I should have seen this coming from these bastards. They hated me, they needed resources and they love having their way. My refusal was a kick in the teeth which gave me a certain sense of satisfaction, I might add. But if you’ve read Lord of the Flies, you know what happens when you get kicked out of the clan.

I’ve Been A Bad Boy, I Need To Be Punished.

So when you go to war with the establishment, you get your ass handed to you. And I got a lot of shit handed to me from my boss as punishment. Let’s go through the list of the tortuous punishment and arduous trials I must endure for my follies.

• Shortly before the end of said Zoo-like mandate, I got a huge raise. The horror… the horror…
• Afterwards, I was given the mandate of utter coolness, which includes a lot of traveling all over the world, swanky hotels, expense accounts, the works. Of please make it stop.
• Then came the bonus, no really, a bonus. My boss said it was the biggest bonus he ever handed out in 10 years as a director to an employee with my title. I just can’t take it anymore, kill me now.
• Then last friday, was my evaluation again, and this time I hit one out of the ballpark and scored the biggest raise I’ve ever gotten so far. Somebody put me out of my fucking misery. When will it stop I can’t take it anymore

So why the gloating? Well, to gloat. Because some mamby-pamby fucktards with bratty orphan complexes tried to take me down and they just had an EPIC FAIL instead. I feel like I got a huge promotion flying high, doing the kind of work I love with a lot of extras that make it even better. So this is me giving them the finger in my own unique way. They say the sweetest revenge is to live a good life… well, VICTORY IS MINE.

Now if only the government could stop taking more money as payment for study loans every time I get a fucking raise…