LA Ink. Too Much Tits, Not Enough Tats.

I’m gonna explain here why the promising LA Ink most likely wont get my viewership anymore.

To begin with, Miami Ink, lost me when they got rid of Kat Von D, because lets face it, she was the star of the show. The boys were cool and everything but they couldn’t hold a candle to Kat, whose artistry alone outranked them and then her presence alone made the show. Without her, Miami Ink is as bland as kosher food. And of course she brought with her the sexy raunchiness needed for a show about tattooing, because, getting ink is all about skin, the flesh, it’s not mystical or godly, it’s about making your flesh even more unique, different than others, it’s decorating yourself with a certainty that most people couldn’t bring themselves to do.

So when she left, the goofy harmless tame guys of Miami left themselves out to dry.

I was all too happy to learn of LA Ink. Kat was opening up shop in LA with a bunch of female artists plus one serious hombre tat artist. They had the coolest intro piece with a cover of Dancing with Myself – which has me singing it for hours after the show is over. The ladies are all displayed in the photo booth in pin-up cheese cake fashion but with a more hard core edge of course. It’s all supremely cool.

Here’s where it starts getting on my nerves.

First episode: trip to beach – Kat and her friend in bikinis
Second episode: another trip to the beach – Kat, her friend and her new crack team of super tat artists in bikinis

Now don’t get me wrong, Dave loves the bikinis, love the boobs, love the buttocks… but…

Episode three: The airco conveniently breaks down and you guessed it it bikini time again. GAG!

Now the producers are just fucking with me, the viewers and taking us for a ride. And that’s where I say FUCK THIS!

To me this is the reality show equivalent of jumping the shark, prurience for the sake of ratings annoys the fuck out of me. I watch the show because Kat’s one cool chick, a great tat artist and Miami Ink was well produced despite the fact that the whinny Extreme Makeover Tattoo Edition style of the show. Cuz seriously, one more snivelling coma survivor and I’m puking, but I digress – some of those stories are touching I’m not heartless.

But now the producers are going the way of the Tit to get viewers, even though they had guaranteed viewers to begin with. I had already given up on Miami Ink and given my eyes to LA Ink, but now they have lost them because the producers have made one fatal mistake; they mistook me for a drooling babbling boob addicted idiot that only tunes in TV to see tits galore in hopes of a nipple slip. For fucks sake, we have the internet where we can get the vilest most disgusting hardcore porn you can imagine for free.

Does anyone remember what TLC (the channel) stands for? The Learning Channel, not The Leering Channel. I knew that in the third episode they’d find a way to get her out of her clothes, but I figure a third time at the beach would have been over the top (no pun intended) but an airco failure? You got to be fucking kidding me? How fucking lame. I like sexy, I like raunchy, I don’t like being taken for a mindless dolt.

For so many lame prurient attempts at grabbing viewers instead of using your imagination to make the show interesting, LA Ink shall be banned from my PVR, my TV and my eyes. Goodbye Miss Von D.