I got tickets to the dress-rehearsal of Kooza last night in Philadelphia. Working for the Cirque du Soleil has perks. And WOE!
This is one insane Cirque show. The story is simple or so I think anyway. An Innocent receives a package out of which The Trickster escapes like a jack in the box. That alone is an impressive effect. Soon the after the acrobatics begin.
The Highlights for me were The Trapeze, The Wheel of Death and the Pickpocket.
The Pickpocket.
He takes some unsuspecting spectator on stage under the guise of teaching him a magic trick but during the show he steals everything from his pockets including taking off his tie without the spectator noticing and it his hilarious.
The Trapeze.
This solo trapeze artist wiped her ass with the Saltimbanco Twins. Her Hard Rock themed show with hyper-kinetic moves was insane and just ROCKED. It was like a clean stripper show on a trapeze instead of a pole. Just awesome.
The Wheel of Death.
Hamsters in the wheel on crack. This is so batshit insane I can’t properly describe it. It’s a spinning device with two wheels at each end in which two acrobats do a lot of spinning and jumping and drive the crowd to the edge of their seats.
The Music is an incredible blend of eastern fusion, with hard-rock and jazz that really sweep you into the action, the lighting is brilliant, the costumes deserve some sort of prize and all the performers are pros. And there’s a drum solo to keep you distracted as they set stuff up that would make Bonham proud.
I can’t wait to see it again.
And today at work we got a little gift, the brand spanking new soundtrack to Kooza that pops open into a cube
You look at this picture and you’d think it was this awesome place to stay.
Looks great, expensive and well who wouldn’t want to live there right. It’s Philly, on the Delaware River and all that jazz. But just wait.
Let’s begin with global positioning. Just look at this.
I’m 20 minutes of walking away from anything, even a convenience store. So if I just want a bottle of milk, I have to plan to lose an hour or take a cab, movies, same, restaurant, again the same. Very annoying.
One internet access point: We share the condo, we are always away from friends and family, you’d think they be smart enough to supply Wireless Access Points. But then they installed VCRs under the TV. Who the fuck uses VCRs anymore? The battle over HD DVD formats has been won already and I get a VCR in my living room?
Then the condo made room for us and rented whatever furniture they could. I don’t care that my kitchen table is butt ugly, it’s not mine. What I do care about is that my bed is stiffer than a slate of well aligned two-by-fours. I start my day in pain then head to a Cirque du Soleil site where I stand all day in steel-toe boots. Fun.
It’s getting pretty warm here in Philly so the AC is de rigueur. No problem right? Only it sounds like a jet engine when left on and if you put it on auto, sounds like a Harrier Jump Jet taking off or landing.
At this point you say to yourself fuck this shit I’m opening my patio door and letting the fresh air come in instead, well that would be to ease were it not for the fucking heliport on the next peer. FUCKING HELICOPTERS taking off and landing at all times. OH COME ON!
My life with the Cirque du Soleil’s Kooza gets weirder and weirder. I’ll have to drive a lift (Yes an IT guy driving a lift, what the fuck were they thinking of?) I work out of trailers, wear a hard hat, steel toe boots, carry construction tools around and gulp had to re-learn how to wire RJ-45 Connectors again and there’s so much more weird and unusual stuff.
But by far the weirdest, strangest and most cracked stuff I’ve ever done in IT is walk a plank. At the back of the tent there’s the Stage Management booth and to get there you have to walk a plank that’s 2 feet wide and a 2 story high drop. Hey wait a minute; this is not what I get paid for? As in risking my neck to plug a cable. I have vertigo so there’s no way I’m walking this plank to plug a fucking network cable, they can bite me.
Then I turn around and I see 5 guys are Rope-Skipping on a high-wire even higher up than me. I started feeling like a big pussy. So fuck it I thought, if they can jump-rope on a high-wire, I can surely walk a little plank.
My first tour with Kooza is in Philadelphia. The birthplace of American Democracy, the American Revolution, Independence and was the US’ first capital. It was the home to Historical figures such as Benjamin Franklin and literary figures such as Edgar Allan Poe. But what do I care. First thing I wanted to try in Philly was the cheesesteak.
Coming from Canada my only experience with what is called the Philly Steak and Cheese sandwich is a DISASTER. Much like when I see The Smoked Meat Sandwich in other towns than Montreal and I laugh uncontrollably because they completely massacred it by doing something insane like adding mayonnaise. Sure it’s a Montreal thing to put mayo in the burgers, but NOT IN THE SMOKED MEAT damnit.
Often in Canada the “Philly Steak and Cheese” is this bastardized crapfest of food. All the versions always have greenpepers and chucky crunchy onions and wait for it… Mozzarella cheese. I’ve even seen a few places where they serve it on a flatbread. Yo! What the fuck?
You learn a few things in Philly. To begin with it’s called a cheesesteak and it is served with American Cheese, Provolone or Cheese-Whiz. There’s also an etiquette to ordering it. You call out your cheese topping and with or without onions. So it goes like this:”I’ll have a Whiz, wit” this means, a cheesesteak with cheese-whiz with onions. Don’t screw it up or you’ll get “the eyes” They’re tough in South-Philly.
I decided to try to famous cheesesteak places in Philly. Tony Luke’s (Spotted on Bobby Flay’s Throwdown) and Geno’s a Philly institution.
Geno’s is located in the South Philadelphia neighborhood on Passyunk Avenue, on the same corner is Pat’s King of Steaks, which claims to have invented the steak sandwich in 1930. It’s got some flashy neons and a huge non-stop line-up. The cheesesteak is a very greasy cut of meat and there’s very little of it served in the chewy and bland bun slathered in excess with the Whiz. When I looked through the window, the grill was thickly coated with burnt meat residue and they claim to be the cleanest grill in town. The fries were greasy also.
And just to add insult to injury the place is plastered with very right-wing signs that tell the very non-white neighborhood they aren’t very welcome there. “The City of Brotherly Love” has been replaced by “This is America Speak English”. Oh and let’s not forget that stupid fucking Freedom Fries menu. Then there’s the 2 booth process. I order my cheesesteak and pay, then I order my fries and lemonade (that was tasty at least) at another window and pay again. What’s up with that? All and all not a very good experience for one of the institutions of cheesesteak.
The new kid on the block of cheesesteaks. Opened his doors, or window, back in 92 only and yet provided me with once delicious cheesesteak. To begin with he uses quality French Baguette which is just awesome and not some doughy, chewy elastic bun. The plentiful steak is meaty and does not taste drenched in fat but rather like steak from a steak house and has just enough whiz to make it delicious. No freedom fries bullshit here and lots of friendly service. Best damn cheesesteak I’ve had so far. The baguette is killer and really seals the deal in my opinion.
When in Philly and looking for a good cheesesteak, remember Tony Luke’s.
Oh I just got it. TO, T.O., Too Ordinary. Yeah that’s it.
Taxis and The Doorman
It was the first time a hotel doorman helped me out to get a cab. He got me a limo instead. Well I didn’t know if one should tip a doorman or not. So I gave him two twoonies anyway thinking I was maybe giving to little. Turns out according to Tip20 one should tip a hotel doorman 1$ per bag and 1$ for the hail. So according to them I’m in good. Phew.
Why take a taxi from the hotel when you can take a limo for just a few bucks more? Damn! Clean ride. Quiet and polite driver. And leather seats. Worth the extra 8 or 10$ it cost me for such a long ride.
So many condos in TO its not even funny. So much growth. But it still needs an injection of FUN.
Geeking out with my iPhone
During my stay at the hotel I was on the 24th floor of the hotel and to far from the hotspot to get my iPhone working fully. Well that just wasn’t good enough for me, I had to get it working. So after more than an hour of fiddling I turned my laptop into a WiFi hotspot for my iPhone.
Here’s a quick run-down.
You need to setup an Ad-Hoc Wireless Network on your XP Laptop.
I named the SSID iPhoneNet but the name can be anything you want.
I put no encryption. When I did the connection never worked.
Then in Network Connections you select your Wireless Connection and Local Area Connection at the same time and right click them and select Bridge Connections.
Afterwards your iPhone will detect the WiFi connection and bob’s your uncle and you are ready to surf with your iPhone.
That’s how boring it was in Toronto. I took time to fiddle with a computer while not being paid for it.
The Bentley, The Lamborghini, The Poor.
During my stay in Toronto I was at a hotel near the Consulate and from my window I had a view over a parking garage. On the roof were a Bentley and a Lamborghini and sure, them sure are some nice cars, but I always choke on the price. These are a quarter of a million dollar cars. Who could possibly need to spend so much on a car? I said need not want.
With all the poor people in the world and the food shortages hitting North America, why are these rich pricks being heroes and you know being a little more Spartan in their vehicular choices and using that money to fund schools and food drives. Because no one will hate them for driving around in a 40K$ Mustang if they gave away 200K$ so that kids could have books to study. I’m just a stupid naïve idealist for believing we can rise above our cupidity, I know.
Then I turn around and I see 5 guys are Rope-Skipping on a high-wire even higher up than me. I started feeling like a big pussy. So fuck it I thought, if they can jump-rope on a high-wire, I can surely walk a little plank.
My first tour with Kooza is in Philadelphia. The birthplace of American Democracy, the American Revolution, Independence and was the US’ first capital. It was the home to Historical figures such as Benjamin Franklin and literary figures such as Edgar Allan Poe. But what do I care. First thing I wanted to try in Philly was the cheesesteak.
Taxis and The Doorman
Geeking out with my iPhone
The Bentley, The Lamborghini, The Poor.
